Who do you want to be?

05

Jun

Who do you want to be?

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Do you ever think about who you are? Who you want to be? Some people seem to have a plan for their lives. They know what they want. All their decisions work toward that goal. This time of year — hockey and basketball playoffs, Olympics coming up — there are stories about athletes and what they’ve gone through to be in the spotlight. I see snippets about actors that trace their experience and dedication to their craft. Heck, even graduation ceremonies are highlighting the hard work and plans of the students.

So, what do you do when you don’t have a plan?

I think people had high expectations for me. I was good at school. I didn’t work very hard at it but still did well. Of course, I’ve found that my idea of not working hard was vastly different than other people’s (I actually read the assignments and did the homework. Who knew there was another option?!). I wonder how I might have done, if I’d tried a little harder. Would it have changed where I am today? Maybe. Maybe not.

I think the thing that could have had a huge effect on my life would be knowing where I wanted to be. Apparently I had a plan, once. I was going to have my PhD by the time I was 24, according to my parents. I don’t remember that plan. It could have happened. I graduated high school at 16, college at 20, got my first Master’s degree at 22.

Somewhere along the way, though, I lost any sense of where I was going. I kept moving, I just didn’t have a destination in mind. I’ve had some fun experiences, certainly. I’ve met some really cool people.

But when it comes to thinking about where I want to be, I can’t help but wonder. I asked my grandmother once what she wanted to be when she grew up. She laughed. But she also told me that when she was talking with her best friend, she still felt like she was sixteen years old. So, maybe she still had some growing up to do.

I feel as though that’s true of me, as well. I don’t know what I want to be, but I’m getting a better sense of who I want to be. And maybe that’s a better thing to worry about, anyway. Jobs change, so do addresses, but I’m going to be me where ever I am. Might as well like who that is.

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